A Garden of Memories

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Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~From the television show "The Wonder Years"

I always wanted to create a memory garden filled with plants, bushes, and flowers associated with special people and pets. A memory garden can honor a deceased loved one or recognize the living. It can also include mementos related to events, special occasions, or something in our lives we don’t want to forget. I don’t have an area in my yard that I can dedicate to this type of garden, so I have been planting “special” flowers and rose bushes here and there. In my front yard against the picket fence I planted a Constance Spry rose in remembrance of my Aunt Connie and every year I plant impatiens aka Patient Lucy in memory of my Aunt Lucy. My mother was one of three sisters and my father had four sisters. They were neighbors and grew up together. I planted a Seven Sisters rose bush in the berm near our pond to honor all of them. Although the majority of my memory plants were chosen to remember someone who is deceased, some of the plants in my garden recognize the living. I planted an Adam’s Needle next to the pond in honor of my oldest son.

Choosing the right plant for my memory garden isn’t always easy. Most of the time I try to find a namesake plant: a plant with a name similar to the person I am honoring. I searched many months to find a plant named Kelly to plant in memory of my oldest son’s deceased friend. Sometimes I choose plants that are related to a memory. My grapevine covered arbor is a daily reminder of my paternal grandfather Joseph who had his own grape arbor. Chinese lanterns grow in my front yard under an old tree just as similar plants grew in the backyard of my Uncle Johnny and Aunt Annie in New York. The lilac bush that blooms near my vegetable garden every May reminds me of my childhood in Rochester, New York, which is known as the lilac city. The lilacs in the yards of my childhood bloomed in May and I always thought they were a birthday gift to me.

Although those who are special to us always remain in our hearts and memories having visible reminders is a special joy. The johnny jump ups planted for Uncle Johnny and the Michaelmas Daisies planted for Uncle Mike, the lilac bush that blooms every May, and the Eternal Flame hostas planted on the graves of my pets are comforting to me. The problem with planting flowers or bushes in remembrance of a person is that there is always the chance that the plant won’t survive. This has happened to several of my memory plants. The rose bush “Mary Rose” that I planted in memory of my mother and her sister Rose, the Kelly plant I selected for Kelly, and an “Angel Face” tree rose planted for my Uncle Butch (aka Angelo) failed to thrive in my garden. The loss of a memory plant is always a reminder of the fragility of life.

Many gardens don’t survive their creators. Sometimes I wonder what will happen to my garden after I am gone. Will one of my children or the person who lives in my house pick up a shovel and hoe and continue my work? Will the plants I loved and tended be overtaken by weeds or perish due to lack of care? Will the ground grow fallow like it did in my grandfather’s vegetable garden? Some plants, like my grandfather’s grapevine, continue on their own unattended and become a living legacy. How will my children remember me? "Where my caravan has rested, flowers I leave you on the grass." ~Monica Dickens
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